Harder Days

I remember pretty clearly the smell of kindergarten. And the feel of it too. How that time period felt inside of me and me inside of it.

I remember the newness of my life, how I felt that I was at the beginning of something long and hard. There was a lot of anxiety for me over anything unfamiliar. I remember that being with all of those other stranger-kids, lining up to go to the big cafeteria that smelled of french fries and dinner rolls, was uncomfortable.

I remember always being bored in class. My legs and arms would get itchy and prickly from being still for too long. The only parts I could lose myself in involved counting or writing.

I remember how much I hated to get up in the morning when it was still dark and cold. How it felt like stealing away in the night and how it frightened me.

And today I realized: nothing has changed.

 

[both paintings by Tom French, via]